Solomon’s Wisdom (OR: how do I keep them from destroying my baby?)

Two women petitioned King Solomon, asking him to determine which of the two of them should be awarded a disputed infant. Both mothers claimed that the child was her’s. Since they couldn’t decide, Solomon came up with a compromise.

He suggested that the baby be cut in two and split between the two women. When one of the women immediately understood that the beloved child would be killed, she no longer cared whether she got to raise him. All she wanted was that he be safe. The other woman didn’t care – if she couldn’t have a living child, she was satisfied that the other woman wouldn’t either. 

Solomon decreed that the real mother was the one who would rather give up her child than see it be destroyed.

Lady Bug will be leaving us soon.

I think I was prepared for the grief of losing her (as prepared as you can be, I think). This isn’t terribly shocking – the CM has been moving this direction for a few months. I will be okay, and I will be able to open my home and my heart to the next child that needs me.

I’m just really struggling with what they’re doing to HER.

I truly do believe in reunification – I was the biggest advocate for Squish being reunified with his bio-dad.

But she has been with us for 17 months (20 by the time she’s reunified). I’m her Mommy and SuperDad is Daddy. She recognizes her bio-dad, but only as an occasional playmate – she was taken from them when she was 4 months old. She’s not even comfortable enough around him to be herself. At school, they call her Miss Independent, and the child has an *att-i-tude*. He’s never even seen a tantrum! According to him, she has said no to him exactly ONE time!!

I don’t see how they can think she won’t be scarred by this. I know that everyone thinks his parental rights trump all. But I just wish somebody (with the power to affect the decision) was thinking about HER.

And that’s the part that’s really breaking my heart. Not that they’re taking my baby, but that they’re HURTING my baby.

And I don’t know how to make them stop.


  1. Sarah

    My heart aches … and I see exactly what you mean.

    Delighted to meet you today. I hope you don’t mind if I splash around a bit to get to know you. We’ve just begun our foster journey and this looks like a refreshing place to dip into some serious goodness.

    I’m also on the hunt for ways to promote bonding and attachment with our new little princess (and all the precious ones that come through our home). I would be crazy blessed to have you share your wisdom with me and others.


    1. Duck Mommy

      Splash around all you like. If you don’t see something you’d like to know, just ask. I’m a pretty open book. (as long as it doesn’t involve a case, obviously)

      I took the liberty of checking out your blog 😉 and I think you’re on the right track with your Lil Princess. The only thing I would add is time. If you spend time with her – real time, no screens, etc – everything else comes naturally.

      In my opinion the responding thing is the most important. The world has taught your little Duck that she can’t count on anyone. You just have to prove the world wrong.


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