How did I forget that part?

 
I know that there’s a grander plan. I know that the Lord knows what He’s doing and by serving as I’m called, I’m working toward that greater good….


SuperDad and I have been half-heartedly “church shopping” off and on for about… 7 years.

 
I know, I know.
The point here is that I finally got back into church this morning. The church was one that we had attended several months ago, and meant to check out again, but just never got around to it. I won’t get into the too-many-for-coincidence factors that led to my butt landing in the pew, but there were several.
One of the “nudges” I got was an email blast from the lead pastor. I don’t even know how he got my email address, but I thank God that he did.

“God is good and in control.” It sounds wonderful and it makes a great bumper sticker – but do we really believe it? How can a good God, infinite in power, love, and grace, coexist in a world of intense hurt and pain? Where is God’s goodness when cancer, divorce, death, and war rage against us? How can God possibly be in control when life often feels very much out of control?

God wants you to trust in Him during the most tumultuous seasons of doubt in your life. Join us this week to discover how you can live with the type of faith that can overcome the toughest storms of doubt.

When I received this email Thursday, I was like “okay, I got it! I’ll be there!” I had already adjusted our weekend plans so that I could be in church this morning. This email was the thing that kept my butt in the pew when I considered leaving early. Again, I thank God that I stayed until the end.
When the pastor was talking about not letting doubt color your perception of what God does or how much He cares, I was in complete agreement – and I felt like I had discovered the reason I needed to hear that message this morning – to remind myself that I have learned to walk by faith.
One of these days (probably sooner rather than later, but not today), I’ll post about all the reasons I’m grateful for my infertility.  Surviving infertility taught me a lot. One of the best things that I learned is how to walk by faith.
What do I mean by that? For me, it means that not only do I truly believe -in my core- that there is a bigger picture that I can’t see, but I also believe that even if I never get to know why, or to see the bigger picture, that picture is more glorious than anything I can imagine. And I’m okay with the fact that I may never understand.
Let me say that again: I may never know why, and that’s okay. Because I don’t have to understand to believe. That’s what infertility taught me. (Also, never pray for patience. Because God won’t just give it to you, He’ll teach it to you. And the lesson is painful.)
So I was really feeling like, “ok, this is why I needed to be here today, to remind myself that I’ve already learned this lesson.” Then the pastor hit me with Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Wait, what? 
 
I’ve taken solace in knowing that I’m working toward a higher plan – that I’ve been called to foster and every tear, every frustration, every kick in the teeth, is for the greater good, the grander plan, the higher purpose. But I forgot that it’s all working together for MY good. Or maybe I just completely blew past that part. Yes, fostering contributes to the greater good, but I’m not just a little greater-good worker bee, the storms I’m navigating are working together for MY good.
 
So that’s kinda cool. I mean, I was okay with just working toward the grander plan – doing my part, asking God to use me… But to be reminded that all of this is FOR ME. How did I forget that part? 
 
 
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