#AdoptionTalk: Finding families for children
Welcome to the 3rd Installment of #AdoptionTalk: Adoption Ethics!
In this installment, I want to revisit a question that was asked the first week of the Linkup. A reader asked whether our agency gave us any problems about creating “artificial twins”.
They didn’t, but that got me thinking about all the things you’re “not supposed to do” when adopting: don’t adopt out of birth order, don’t create artificial twins, blah, blah, blah.
All the don’ts basically boil down to: “Make sure you find a child that will fit your family.”
But, wait. Shouldn’t adoption be about finding families for children, rather than finding the perfect child for your family?
To paraphrase a cliche: What’s more important – the needs of a family or the needs of a child that needs a family?
Honestly, when we got the call for Squirm, we weren’t thinking about twins or birth order or any of that. In fact, I had already told my agency that I wouldn’t be taking any more boys. But he needed a bed. And we had one. He needed love and security and arms to rock him to sleep. And we had more than enough to go around.
And then when, we got the call about taking Squish back, SuperDad and I discussed how we’d have to juggle and what we’d have to adjust to manage three kids under 2 years old. After we had already said yes. That’s actually the one call I’ve ever said yes to without talking to SuperDad first. Because what else would we do? He needed a family. We were the one that he knew. Since he couldn’t remain with his birth family, the next best option – the ONLY option as far as we were concerned – was to return to the home and the family where he had some familiarity and some continuity.
And let’s look at the “rule” about adopting (or fostering) in birth order.
Whenever a child joins your family, if you already have children, someone’s birth order is disrupted. Maybe you maintained the birth order of the existing children, but the 6-year-old you added went from being the oldest of 4 to the youngest of 3. Maybe an only child suddenly became one of 5.
If having birth order changed is supposed to be so traumatic for your forever kids, who already know unconditional love and stability, what effect do you suppose that change has on a foster or adopted child?
Yes, we’ll have to pay more attention to making sure the twins have opportunities to develop their individual personalities than we would if they weren’t “twiblings,” but that’s a just an inconvenience for the grown-ups.
The twins each needed a family – and we had one to give them.
#AdoptionTalk Link Up
This week’s topic: Adoption Ethics
Grab the #AdoptionTalk schedule here, so you’re ready for the whole year!
Next Link Up: March 5th
Next Topic: Anything Goes!
A few things to consider:
1) Be respectful of others. Adoption can be a sensitive subject, and opinions may differ from your own. Please be respectful to everyone.
2) Everyone is welcome. Adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents, experts, foster care givers, those currently in the process. Anyone with a connection is welcome.
3) Try to read and comment on at least one other post. The point of a link up is to mingle and meet other bloggers. Have fun and check out a few of your fellow blogger’s posts.
4) Feel free to link an old post. We know you may have already blogged about some of the topics on our schedule. If you would like to link something you have already written that is just fine.
5) We would love an adoptee host. If you or anyone you know might be interested PLEASE let us know.
6) Follow Your Hosts. No need to follow everyone on everything, but make sure you follow in enough places that you’ll be reminded to link up.
Erin @ No Bohns About It | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
Jamie @ Starfish Confidential | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
Jenni @ Joyful Journey Mom | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest
Jill @ Ripped Jeans & Bifocals | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
Madeleine @ Our Journey to You Adoption Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest
7) Grab a button for your post or blog to help us spread the word so that other adoption bloggers can join in the fun.
And that’s it! We’re so excited that you are joining us!